Ole Henrik: Thanks again Nancy for sharing from your well of wisdom and long life with Him. Again I am thoroughly blessed, not least by that Malachi revelation. Never heard anyone preach it like this before and it said YES and AMEN in my spirit. Thanks!
So, when you went from only trusting that God would speak to you through the Bible you also began trusting your desires as a way of God speaking to you? And you further saw that desire and faith is the same thing, right?
Another thing that hit me today is that I quite often during this faith adventure have said things like: “Of course, I might be wrong” after a powerful faith statement. But, Jesus never said something like that. And He never says that if we are really humble we will say things like that when we ask (desire) whatsoever from Him. That “Of course, I might be wrong” is nothing less than unbelief and false humility.
Ole Henrik: I sat in my chair half-awake thinking about desire. Then lightning struck! Since desire is the same as faith our desire proves our faith and is our faith. No effort in that! Our desire is the same as faith. In a sense desire is my faith and effortlessly sustains my faith. I don’t have to work up desire. It just is!
Jesus said in John 15: “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” The word ask also means desire. Why will it be done for you? Because your desire is your faith and faith is substance – the guarantee that something exist. In this sense desire calls into being things that are not. And since we abide in Him it is a desire that origins in Him. It is so important that we do not suppress our desires. Another cool thing is that we speak out our desires quite effortlessly without knowing we are speaking words of faith. Grace upon grace.
Nancy: You’ve heard the old saying there are two sides to every story? Well, here’s the other side of the story.
All the time I was living as I explained, by “limiting” God to only speaking to me through the scriptures. He was not limited, at all, in speaking always within me, and to me by all different means. But the point is He was the One doing the speaking and the revealing of Himself by all these methods which I will now attempt to share. I think what I learned from limiting God to only speaking through the scriptures was His tricking me into learning to be a co-intercessor with Him. He was showing me his ways’. . . – but all the time, He was also speaking to me by revelation, and direct communication, and in a myriad of ways, as He does today. You must understand that I followed no man. Any fellowship I had with others who were in the “sharing” field was short lived as I became the one who did the sharing with others.
I learned from the beginning, I was unable to live a godly life… by whatever means… so from early-on I told The Lord; “Since You are God, it’s high time You start being God in me.” And believe it or not, I rested in that.
Now without writing a book to you with the progressive details I will skip around, and hit on different things, and then if you have any questions or need more explanation to be given, just ask me; because I think these are the things that always need to be hammered out.
I settled the DESIRE dilemma before I knew the Lord (as Jesus Christ, God in the flesh). I didn’t have any of the “teachings” that are given today where the focus is on YOU. I never read other people’s books to learn some gimmick to make me spiritual. When I did read someone else writings it was for fellowship with the Lord.
Now as I share these things think of yourself in a grand auditorium, sitting in the balcony and having the spotlight on different events in my life played out in the theater’s grand seating area, and not on the stage.
A bit of background:
When I was 6 years old, I was alone with my Great-grandfather in the kitchen right here in this house where I live now. He was sitting in the captain’s chair and I was standing beside him, visiting with him.. and holding his hand….- and he died! And I couldn’t stop him from dying! And believe it, or not… I learned my limitation then and there. From that time on there was only one underlying real desire I had, and that was not to be separated from the people I loved.
So by the time I was married and pregnant with Barry, I was after God to find me! I mean, I already knew being married was not the union I was looking for. . . and I knew I couldn’t keep anyone from dying. I knew there was THE LORD, but I didn’t know Him. SO when I was 19 years old and facing having a family that I would be responsible for. . .I told the Lord: “If I knew where You were, I’d come looking for You. If I thought you were under the bed, I’d get under the bed to find you; but since I don’t know where You ARE… You’ll have to find me. Then I added: I can stand anything in this life, as long as I know “beyond a shadow of a doubt” I will spend ETERNITY with the people I love. That was between 1954 (when I got married), and 1955 (before Barry was born in July).
I didn’t go to church, I didn’t know anyone who believed like I did, and I never watched religious programs on TV. But before Barry was born I accidentally watched Billy Graham on TV. . . and he said if you want to go to heaven you have to have Jesus in your heart. I didn’t hear anything about sin or anything else. I just knew I wanted to go to heaven and that I needed to invite Jesus to come and live in me. I invited the Lord in, then and there, and everything changed; I began praising The Lord for everything. Billy said read your bible and I started in Genesis and read until I got to the “begat” . – then I couldn’t pronounce the names and I quit reading my bible after the first few chapters for nearly 5 or 6 years; But I continue to have this fellowship with the Lord in Praising Him.
REMEMBER I’LL BE JUMPING THROUGH SOME YEARS HERE TO MAKE MY POINT AT THE END.
After Kelly was born we bought an old house to fix up and time was swallowed up by work. God “seemed” to have left me… WELL NOT REALLY BUT I COULDN’T GET THE SATISFACTION I HAD BEFORE WE MOVED.
I couldn’t find another human being who knew the Lord, like I did.
I nearly died giving birth to Kelly, and when I got pregnant with Holly, I didn’t want to be pregnant!!! But the night she was conceived, I heard the Lord say to me: “This is a love-gift!” That’s the first time I truly knew I heard the Lord VOICE speaking to me! That was early in 1961. I was so stressed being pregnant I couldn’t think. I didn’t want to die and leave my children. I couldn’t remember if I’d prayed or not; I’d write my prayer down so I’d know I prayed THEM; and when I was about 7 or 8 months pregnant I had a dream that I had a baby girl, and she had red-curly hair, and I didn’t have any pain delivering her. December 3, 1961 that’s exactly the way it happened.
While I was pregnant I was asked to join a bowling team with the girls in my new neighborhood. Long story short, the only gal that wasn’t from my neighborhood that I didn’t know until the first night of bowling, became my first friend who desired to fellowship concerning the Lord. We stayed up all night long on my front steps and talked about The Lord. She said she knew someone that used to teach the bible and would I be interested in going if she could find out if he was still doing that. The next night we were at his bible class. . . AND I couldn’t get enough of the bible from then on. He explained to me what the Bible was and how it was divided up, and who was who, and how to pronounce those difficult names. I loved him with all my heart but I soon found he was a LAW and Grace man, and he didn’t think I was saved, because I smoked and loved to dance. But I read my bible and fellowshipped with the Lord constantly.
I started having bible classes in my home and began teaching also. By 1965 Kelly was 5 years old and he and Jake (my husband) were in a car accident! Kelly went through the windshield and of course we didn’t know if he would live or die. That night at the hospital all night long whenever Kelly would regain a bit of consciousness and scream-out, I would tell the Lord to put him back to sleep, and everything I said to the Lord, came to pass. I had a bible with me and I was reading in 2nd Corinthians chapter 1. . . and the Lord was speaking to me confirming to me that I was sharing in his sufferings, and that He would be my Comforter. The next day Kelly regain consciousness and didn’t remember any of the pain he had experienced. He had 5 different doctors and one of them was an oral surgeon. Kelly had a broken jaw! AND they were going to take him to surgery the next day and wire his mouth together. As the Lord would have it; the year before, I had been with one of my friends at the hospital whose son had been in a fight and had his jaw broken. His jaw was wired together; and a few weeks later his appendix busted and he had to go to emergence surgery one night. When he came back from surgery he was vomiting but couldn’t get his mouth open, and was strangling on his vomit. I saw what that was like! So when I heard Kelly was to have his jaw wired together I couldn’t wait to get alone with the Lord to beg Him to intercede on behalf of Kelly. HEAL him or DO SOMETHING! I couldn’t stand it.
So later that Monday night, (I had not left the hospital nor Kelly since we arrived after the car accident, Sunday afternoon), but that night I wanted to go to the Chapel to have it out with the Lord. As I began to walk into the Chapel I began to profusely PRAISE the Lord. My mind didn’t understand what my heart and mouth was doing. Here I had gone to beg the Lord to intercede on Kelly’s behalf and here I was rejoicing in Praise! Next: There was the Lord speaking to me out of a Great Light, saying: “Nancy, Nancy don’t you know that I love you, and that I love Kelly, and even if Kelly dies, he will be with me!” That was January 11, 1965.
Well, the next 10 years was a high alone road with Christ as my life. I was an authoritative bible teacher, having 2 and 3 bible classes a week, and of course I was the one learning as the Lord continued speaking to me and commissioning me as his co-intercessor in what He had in mind.
Someone put a small booklet in my possession in 1967 called “Touching The Invisible” . . . I went to the river alone and read it, didn’t understand one word it was saying, but I was rapture in the Spirit the entire time I was reading it. I hadn’t bothered to look to see who wrote the book, but when I finished reading it, I said to the Lord; “I don’t know one thing I just read, but I know one thing, I want to know what this man knows. I don’t know that I ever read it again, but by 1975 the Lord had manifest an inner-Christ-consciousness in me and reveal spirit-Spirit-union. I saw myself as if in a cave (a tomb), and the Lord called me out of that cave to be joined to Himself. It WAS A HOLY UNION! So Holy my outer soul and body wanted to separate from the Holy Christ in union with this Nancy-spirit.
Now the bible classes were throwing me OUT! I was a heretic in their view. One girl who told me she believed what I shared, but she no longer wanted to be seen with me. But within a short time she called me, told me she’d like me to come to lunch; she told me she had ask the Lord to give her a 2nd conformation that what I was sharing about our union with Christ was so. She handed me a book called “Who Am I” and said, The Lord had awakened her in the night and caused her to watch the Pat Robertson TV show and there was this man on his show, named Norman Grubb, and he talked just like me… (haha!)… but at least that’s the way she heard it. She gave me the book, told me Norman was going to be in Chicago, IL and that she thought I should go meet him. The rest is history!
SO…getting back to your questions: “So, when you went from only trusting that God would speak to you through the Bible you also began trusting your desires as a way of God speaking to you? And you further saw that desire and faith is the same thing, right?”
2nd question, first: And you further saw that desire and faith is the same thing, right?” I don’t THINK, I did. But you may from where you are viewing your union with Christ from in the Spirit. I don’t separate myself from Christ. Nor do I separate Him from me. Faith and desire is the outworking of the Spirit’s union with me, and I rest in Him; not in the faith; not in the desire. I rest IN Christ. I’m not examining my desires, nor my faith as though I have them apart from Christ. We are ONE. Whatever He has, I have, but He didn’t give me what He has, He gave me Himself. Faith and desire is the outcome of our union. Before Christ as us, faith and desire was the outcome of the false I. The Vine’s SAP flows into and out of the BRANCH. It’s all Christ as us… and my identity as a person is with Christ; my identity as a FORM of Christ is, Nancy.
1st question: “So, when you went from only trusting that God would speak to you through the Bible you also began trusting your desires as a way of God speaking to you? I gave up trusting in myself back in those early years. Once, I thought I needed to be a better mother, a better wife, a better person all the way around; more kind, more sensitive, more of everything. I named off a list of what I thought would please the Lord and certainly make me look more godly in everyone’s sight. When I finished my lists of desires and ask the Lord for them; He said to me: “If I gave you those things you wouldn’t want ME. I never asked again! I figured I had Him, and He was all I needed… all I am.
Personally, I think you ask yourself these questions, because you see your self separated from Christ. You’re NOT separated from Him, but you SEE separation. If you, by inner-recognition, “SAY” … Christ lives AS me, (period!). You won’t have all this business trying to ‘figure’ things out. When I say it’s Christ AS me. . .there’s nothing left to figure out. You are either going to say, I am Christ in my form, or you’re going to have this wrestling match each time you “try” to figure it out. I WILL say this: The final form of sin we are all FORCED to see is our ‘self’ as a referee between God, the flesh and the devil (as to who’s who). There is no such person as a referee/a middle man/ a go-between “as you”. That’s Satan as you, and the FINAL FORM OF SIN WE ARE ALL FORCED TO SEE.
I probably haven’t even touched on your real question, but this is the way The Lord has driven me to share this time. You’re free to dismiss it all and start over with your question for me.