A most wonderful thing happens after we have taken that leap of faith and entered the reality of I live, yet not I, but Christ lives in me. It is that sort of thing which only can happen when we no longer see separation. Unity or union is the foundation for that new and liberated self which comes to the forefront in our awareness and which acts in accordance with its self-perception.
In Romans 7 we see the floundering, wrestling and failing self in action. It is I,I,I,I from beginning to end. But it is an insecure I, tossed to and fro, never finding any secure footing in its self. When we come to end of ourselves we are faced with a great discovery; we cannot live the Christian life. Someone else does. In an instant we have been transferred to Romans 8 where it is not I, but the Spirit. Next a most curious thing transpires. You get your I back. “For whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” It is when we enter the gateway of Gal 2:20 we lose our lives. In our consciousness or awareness or whatever we call it we make that giant leap of faith which defy circumstances and appearances and finally come to terms with our union with God. We now say that grasshoppers and giants are God’s problem. Norman Grubb said: “If I’m a mess, I’m His mess. “
So what do you find? You find your new I which have been there all along, but now it appears as a liberated and safe I. No longer considering yourself as a liability you see your own personal and unique self as God’s great asset. In getting ourselves back we reappear as totally free people and as “super egoists with a wink” as Norman Grubb so tellingly put it. It seems like it is just you. And it is YOU, but you also know the secret behind that marvelous you.
Listen to Jesus: “I am the good shepherd, I am the way, I am the door, I am the life.” I,I,I,I!!!! But Jesus also said: “It’s my Father in me. I only do what I see the Father do. I only say what the Father says. It’s the Father in me. It looks like me.” The paradox again! It was through temptations that Jesus emerged as a totally free person who powerfully asserted His I. “Don’t you know who I am? I am the Son of man!!” Temptations have a glorious aim. They are purposed to settle us in our new identity as we by the Spirit repeatedly continue to choose not to go back to that illusion of independent self, but get rooted and fixed in God as our life and keeper and thus reckoning everything as His cup.
You have been afraid of yourself because you have thought that you are independent. But it was through our redemption that we were remarried to God and now therefore are God-managed selves. Temptations take us to this understanding. No need to worry if we are managed by God. We are His workmanship. So, from now on we live our lives with a perpetually green light in our consciousnesses.
You reappear as an “egoist with a wink.” It was this Jesus referred to when He told Nicodemus: “The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.” You are a force to reckon with, someone who makes an impact and you do as you like. You will be mistaken and accused of pride, so full of self. But, you know the secret!