To all of us who have recognized our resurrection with Christ and hence union with Him Gal 2:20 is a key verse: “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” (KJV).
Paul is simply stating some irrevocable facts here. When we started our Christian walk we weren’t able to acknowledge the implications and repercussions of this verse. To be more precise; we read the verse, but didn’t see it. Then there comes a day when the Spirit lets more light into our consciousnesses and we embrace this verse and hold on to it with all our might. Even though we proclaim its truth it might not have become settled in us. However, we keep it close to our hearts and remind ourselves almost daily about this glorious fact.
This week has been characterized by enormous fluctuations in my emotions. They have gone from joyful thrill to terrible dread all because I published my first book last Sunday. I made my book public and advertised it before I had received a single proof reading copy. Late Monday evening sudden terror struck me: The font size had to be too small! People had already ordered it and what would they think when they received an unintelligible book? All those thoughts and several more flooded my anxious mind. I leaped out of bed and ran downstairs to my computer in order to rectify my imagined mistakes.
Since I am doing everything myself and I am using a self-publishing company I was able to submit a revised version two hours later. In the aftermath of this the following question was almost constantly nagging me: Which revision do my customers receive? If they get the first one will they be able to read it? Dear God, make them get my latest revision, was my plea. The next couple of days my feelings swung from hope to utter despondency.
On Friday evening I was upstairs hanging some wash to dry. While performing this simple chore I was contemplating the last days’ events and came to the conclusion that I had to be crazy who advertised a book before I had proof read it. Then this quiet but firm voice interjected: “You did it in faith!” That was news to me so my initial response was: Really? How come? How is that possible? We all know the answer, don’t we? Christ lives in ME!! His faith was operating in this cracked pot, and I didn’t recognize it due to all the noise my soul made.
Yes, I had an epiphany that evening. Gal 2:20 became mine in a way it hadn’t before. In an instant I so clearly saw how He lives in me, manifests Himself through me and that I live by His faith! Moreover, I recognized how lousy I am at differentiating between soul-emotions and spirit. In addition, it struck me how typically it is when a major breakthrough is imminent that all hell breaks loose. Not that I am giving the enemy any credit for that. It is just a part of the training in how to become a see-througher, that is, by faith recognize the fact that in God there is only light.
We can’t force the process of becoming settled in Gal 2:20. That is a mighty work of the Spirit in each and everyone of us. Norman Grubb tells how he wrestled two years with this verse before it became fixed in him, whereas it took only two weeks for his wife. There is an unique path for everyone of us, and hence we can be patient with ourselves while we hold fast to that Christ is our life waiting for this truth to become an indisputable fact in our minds.
The first books have now arrived at their destinations. Yes, the print is a bit small in the first edition, they tell me. But, the print is also very clear, they add, and hence absolutely readable, but perhaps a bit tedious for “old eyes”. Thank God!! While He is smiling towards me my understanding of His perfect ways are incrementally increasing. My impatient soul which sometimes just spins off in a most astounding speed is perfect in God’s eyes and He uses it in a mighty way to come through despite what I sometimes think of it.
The publishing of this book has already blessed one person tremendously: Me!