A Mighty Man of Valor! Who? You!

To thresh wheat in the winepress can hardly be called bravery. It doesn’t exactly qualify for a hero of the year prize. Nevertheless, it was this seemingly weak man, utterly afraid of a neighboring tribe, who God called a mighty man of valor. Of course, such grace is outrageous, yeah, outright annoying. Is God blind? Doesn’t He see the outright realities? Is He somehow living in an illusionary realm? Or is it our outlook that is skewed?

As we all know wheat can never become wine.  Human endeavors to manufacture the new wine will forever be a project without much hope of prevailing. Was it this that Gideon had in mind when he fearfully threshed the wheat? Or perhaps he was just afraid? But, the one who calls the things that be not as if they are, speaks His truth over Gideon, and we all know that when the word is spoken what it is sent out to accomplish is done.

We shouldn’t judge Gideon too harshly. After all, we are Gideon too, often fearfully absorbed with our human weaknesses. Apartness does that to us. Alone our enemies seem invincible. It is not unlikely that the greatest of them is our false idea of our own self. On the soul level Gideon must have perceived himself to be a definite nothing. Not a bad place to start really. But, there is a Lover who has filled frail human frames with Himself and who calls us to fly like eagles upon the high places where there are no weaklings.

I assume we all can agree upon that our Father is a mighty man of valor? One of the many astonishing statements in the Bible is penned down by John: As He is so are we in this world. What does all this lead to? The one who made our bones come together with His bones to an indissoluble unity has willingly and freely become our identity so that we are mighty men and woman of valor in Him.

Put on the New Man

It was Paul who admonished us to put on the new man and put off the old man. How do we do this? How are we to know which is which? What is the difference between the old and the new man? One crucial question in this context is: How was the old man misused by Satan? Which mental images were imprinted on him by the deceiver in his fallen state? Those images are evidently something we carry with us into the new life. The delusions and the mistreatment make us think we are something we are not. In other words, we need to know how this old man was misused, mistreated and tormented by Satan before he came to Christ, and how this affects His new life.

The following passage is from Mark 9:

And someone from the crowd answered him, “Teacher, I brought my son to you, for he has a spirit that makes him mute. And whenever it seizes him, it throws him down, and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid. So I asked your disciples to cast it out, and they were not able.” And he answered them, “O faithless generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him to me.” And they brought the boy to him. And when the spirit saw him, immediately it convulsed the boy, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth. And Jesus asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” And when Jesus saw that a crowd came running together, he rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, “You mute and deaf spirit, I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.” And after crying out and convulsing him terribly, it came out, and the boy was like a corpse, so that most of them said, “He is dead.” But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he arose.

We are that boy – all of us. Only Jesus could help us in our helplessness. Only he could save us from the maltreatment that was inflicted upon us. Even though we now are made whole, perfect, healed, with a new heart and in safe hands we still carry with us into our new life the lies, the delusions and the false mental images of ourselves which we received back then.

In our former muteness we couldn’t speak the truth. Rigidness overtook us so that the spontaneous effortless life evaded us. We were constantly worried about what others thought of us. The exterior was prominent in everything we did. When Jesus approached coming to our rescue an inner turmoil was whipped up in us and we erroneously believed He came to take from us our illusionary freedom. And we also learn from the account that Satan wanted to destroy us by throwing us into water and fire.

The fire is the fire of his own torment forever caught in the wheel of anguish. In this hell he and those who still are in a false union with him thirst with a thirst that is never quenched. Only the cross can save from this perpetual “me” orientation in which man is caught.

He tried to drown us in his illusionary water, that is, that the world can be saved and become a better place to be without the cross. Universalism, humanism and every religion on this planet whether it is called New Age or Buddhism try to throw this illusionary water on the flames of this world, but to no avail.

Our sense of being failures, that tormenting feeling of worthlessness and that crippling idea that we don’t deserve anything good were all a part of that old man who now is dead. But, we bring with us the lies and the mental images into our new life. This is one of the reasons why Paul talks about the renewal of the mind and that we have to put on the new man. We do this by faith by embracing the truth of who we are in Christ Jesus, and that to live is Christ. The new man recognizes that Christ is his life in a unity in which two are one. And by the Spirit’s mighty work in us we learn to abide in Him which is seeing things with His eyes through which nothing is impossible and where the outer world (appearances) loses its enchanting delusive power! The old man runs from the cross whereas the new man embraces it, because from it, that is taking part in Christ’s sufferings, new life pours forth.

The Cross is the Substance

Of the many doctrines the church holds the claim that a Christian will as long as he is in this realm commit sins is as absurd as to say that a healed cripple will continue to limp the rest of his life. John puts forward the following argument against this and which further if examined closely and correctly understood also kick the ground under the feet of those who support the fallacy of universal salvation: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

The Cross is central in all God’s dealings with mankind, because there is a cross in the heart of God. It is the narrow gate – the only way to salvation. Through Christ’s perfect sacrifice the entrance is again opened to the Garden, that is, Christ Himself. The seraph has lowered his sword. This is what is meant with that the whole world is reconciled to God.

John clearly sets forth the conditions for salvation. When we enter the narrow gate, the Cross, the sin spirit is cast out and we are cleansed from all unrighteousness. As long as the Spirit of error determines a man’s steps that man is in sin and will commit sins and is in unrighteousness. John further elaborates when He says: He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life (1 John 5:12). This should clearly demonstrate that salvation is not a doctrine, but a person. Luke proves this relation beyond a shadow of doubt when he recounts how Christ is born in mangers and not in inns which have no room for Him.

And it is this person who is our righteousness when He is born in us. No human endeavors no matter how noble can conjure up any righteousness besides Christ who grows up in every man who has received Him. The one in whom Christ is born is alive to all righteousness. Jesus Himself said: “He that committeth sin, is the servant of sin” But, that man cannot at the same time be a member of Christ’s body, or be a new creature who dwells in Christ and in whom Christ lives.

“If the Son,” says Christ, “shall make you free, then ye shall be free indeed.” What is this, but saying, if Christ be come to life in you, then a true freedom from all necessity of sinning is given to you. Now if this is hindered, and cannot come to pass in the faithful follower of Christ, it must be, because both the willing and working of Christ in man is too weak to overcome that, which the devil wills and works in him (William Law).

The absurdity of asserting that a person cleansed from all unrighteousness will continue to commit sins is effectively countered by John: We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not (1 John 5:18). This perfectly corroborates with the promises God gave Ezekiel: Neither shall they defile themselves any more with their idols, nor with their detestable things, nor with any of their transgressions: but I will save them out of all their dwellingplaces, wherein they have sinned, and will cleanse them: so shall they be my people, and I will be their God. And David my servant shall be king over them; and they all shall have one shepherd: they shall also walk in my judgments, and observe my statutes, and do them (Ez 37:23-24).

As small children in Christ this might not be clear to us, but by the Spirit’s inner conviction and teachings in us we learn that we are kept by God and that the wicked one cannot  touch us (1 John 5:18 b) and that our members are servants unto all righteousness.

An unalterable truth is that Christ is the true vine of which we are the branches, and it must necessarily be so that the branches are the same thing as the vine. The same goodness, love and life that is in the vine must also be found in the branches. A most glorious thing is said about the branches when they abide inthe vine, which they do by the faith of the Son: “Ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you” (John 15:7).

Since the vine and the branches share from the same life then to claim that the branches are servants of sin is the same thing as saying that Christ partakes from the old man’s corruption. The branches can but be manifestors or expressers of the true life found in God Himself. To claim anything else leads to all kind of absurdities.

Why is there no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus? Because in Him that delusion that we have a self apart from Him is dead. That false self died at the cross! He is our true self. There is no other self. How can there be any condemnation when He is our self? Impossible! Condemnation is hence a delusion for everyone who is of Christ! It is a mirage with no substance.

Our Lord said: “If you have seen Me you have seen the Father.” The disciples saw Jesus’ body and soul – the one born in a stable – the carpenter – the one conceived outside marriage. The Father was seen in all of Jesus, that is, what was visible. The disciples didn’t see Jesus’ spirit. But they saw the rest and that was the Father. What a mystery this is! What Jesus said about Himself is true about everyone born from above. People behold our bodies and souls and see the Father.

How can this be? The Scriptures know no other Christians but saints! This is the one who in the similitude of Jesus can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise (John 5:19).

Let us not so easily fall for doctrines of men that have no substance. The Cross is substance. Faith is substance. Let the blind lead the blind, but we will remain in the substance, that is faith, and see God as all in all in us, and further that the world is in dire need of hearing the good news and not some diluted message which is fashioned in man’s vain imagination. We are called to proclaim the total truth about a Christ who has the power to cleanse from all unrighteousness and who when born in man transforms that man into a new creation: Behold, everything is new!

The Total Truth in Brevity

It was Jesus who outlined the total truth concerning how we operate as persons: “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise” (John 5:19). Everything else is a delusion.

It is the subtlety of the delusion that causes us to think that we somehow need to change in order to meet some indistinct standard. Notice Romans 2, “The gentiles who have no law are law for themselves.” This is the “indistinct standard”. In other words, the illusion of independence. And it is so no matter how it looks – whether it appears pious, good, kind or whatever. This is the “evilness” – the delusion: I am my own source.

Only the Spirit can reveal how far down the roots of the delusion goes and how we every day are tempted to think: “If only I had done so and so, or thought so and so….” We even try to correct our emotions when we think they are out of line, again gauged against some obscure standard. This temptation to improve or correct ourselves is so subtle.

There are no standards in the tree of life – only the Person living His life in the flesh….”the life I now live in the flesh….” (Gal 2:20).

To further hammer home the message Jesus exclaimed: “Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him” (John 3:16). We do not function any differently from Jesus. There is no such thing as an independent self. That’s the cross we have to carry and that is our rest and freedom as persons.

The Emptying

How can God most effectively affirm that He is all in all in us? How can we get to know without a shadow of doubt that what He has given us really is from Him whether it is desires, dreams, faith, hope or whatever? Perhaps not surprisingly, it is the book of Job that provides us with the key to all those questions.

It was God who enticed Satan to test Job within the confines God had set. In the end all Job had was his life. Everything else was lost. Only one question mattered in his agony: Is God good? Against all appearances and in the midst of his severe afflictions Job remained steadfast in his conviction that God is good, and thus was found without sin the record states.

God’s ways are indeed mysterious. God took everything from Job and then gave it back to him multiplied. By doing so God not only assured Job that He was on his side, but also that everything Job had really came from Him – that God indeed was the One who blessed Job and that every good gift indeed comes from Him.

Our great problem is that we doubt our desires, our words of faith or whatever as if they merely origin in ourselves. By taking them away from us and then giving them back God confirms us beyond our wildest imaginations.

All of us are to expect an emptying now and then so that good may come out of it, and we learn both to know ourselves and God. An “emptying” is certainly of great value. It truly establishes us in the fact that everything in us is God. This ‘nakedness’ shows us how He fills it all, that He is ALL IN ALL.

Until we have learned the secret our human response to these seasons is one of fear dreading that God will leave us empty handed – that all our dreams and wants will go down the drain. We have a tendency to forget we started from ground zero, from dry bones. To be constantly emptied can be scary because it feels like God will take away from us even what we believe sustains our lives, BUT He always adds. Emptying is a very good thing, it reminds us that we are not our own. Someone else is running the show.

Acts 15:20 Seen with “New” Eyes

“But that we write unto them, that they abstain from pollutions of idols, and from fornication, and from things strangled, and from blood” (Acts 15:20).

I have always understood this verse in an absolute literal way and I think that was the intention of James and the others when they issued these guidelines to the new gentile converts. But, why those in particular? In our time praying to stone figures is not a big issue. In those days, however, idol worshipping was widespread. And what about the other guidelines? Do they carry any weight in our day? And if so, in what sense?

From Paul’s later writings it should be quite clear that these commands or guidelines are a compromise between the elders in Jerusalem and Paul. Paul was just as zealous in his fight against legalism as he had persecuted Christians before his conversion, but in this case he was willing to swallow a couple of camels for the benefit of all. It was evidently a compromise he could live with.

Since the Jewish Christian church was obliterated by the Romans in 70 AD the only church left was the “christian” church and the division between Jews and non-Jews more or less ceased to exist. Hence, the Law of Moses was no longer the big issue it had been. But, as we all know Legalism would continue to haunt the church and still does.

When I read this verse the other day I felt a prompting to examine these admonitions from a different angle than the literal. It was like the Spirit said: “There is more here than what meets the eye.” We well know that for instance the command to abstain from blood has resulted in all kind of absurdities. The following is hence an attempt to penetrate behind the veil and see the deeper meaning of these exhortations, as I felt the Spirit prompted me to do, and which then point to the deeper life with God in freedom.

To abstain from pollutions of idols points to that we no longer see ourselves as apart from God. The Spirit calls the believers to see God only manifesting Himself as us. Idols are whatever we consider to be our source or god, what we put our trust in besides God. Jesus said: Have faith in God. That’s it.

Whenever we return to the law we go back to our former husband. The Spirit says we are to abstain from such fornication and live freely in Christ. The law is not only the Law of Moses, but everything that is not of faith and which lay heavy burdens on our shoulders which we are not meant to carry.

We are further to abstain from everything that strangles life. That is whatever which infringes our freedom and life in Christ. The most subtle of these are our attempts to be good. Jesus quite plainly expressed that there is only one who is good: Our Father. To partake from the tree to knowledge of good and evil launches us into a realm of morality and ethics which leads to condemnation and shame and which further awakens a consciousness of sin.

To abstain from blood means that we abstain from everything that we perceive to be “blood”, that is things we believe will cleanse us including self-effort, self-torment, self-flagellation, self-accusations, false humility etc etc. Jesus’ blood is the only blood that cleanses from sin. He was the One who spilled His blood publicly which testified to His sacrificial death – the perfect offering. The law against eating blood was given because “the life is in the blood.” There is only One who is our life, Christ, whose blood we now partake from.

Faith and Desire – An Exchange between Nancy Gilmore and Me – Part 6

PART 6

Ole Henrik: The word is made flesh in you and me, and since that is so it seems to me important to God to call us to faith as co-operators with Him since He speaks through our mouths. Whenever we remain in unbelief in our consciousnesses that channel is blocked, as it were. But, He continually calls our consciousnesses to step into the throne room seeing us standing by His side speaking our words of faith in accordance with our desires or inner drive or calling.

Nancy: “The word is made flesh in you and me, and since that is so it seems to me important to God to call us to faith as co-operators with Him since He speaks through our mouths.”  Yes, indeed! We are co-operators with Him! 24/7!  Brilliant! Indeed, He does call us always, upward!

This is an illusion: “Whenever we remain in unbelief in our consciousnesses that channel is blocked, as it were.” This statement is sense-knowledge. Sense-knowledge is an enemy to faith. Sense knowledge opposes faith, don’t you think? Faith calls the things that be not even as though they were. Faith does. And even when we don’t believe, He is greater! HE IS GREATER than anything we can imagine! Leave yourself alone: You ARE perfect! You cannot be improved upon. You cannot be upbraided for asking anything, as many times as you wish to. Unless He tells you to shut-up… and be still, and know the Lord!

But this is Not an illusion: “He continually calls our consciousnesses to step into the throne room seeing us standing. .”  by His side (?) or IN Him? Location is important and we locate ourselves IN Him. Not beside of Him. He is our other half, but as one person.

“Speaking our words of faith in accordance with our desires or inner drive or calling.” We only have one obedience; just one, and it’s the obedience of faith, not the obedience of desire.  Desire is the outworking of our faith-union. Remember desire was trapped in the 1st. spirit of the 7fold spirit of God. It is only released in the Faith Person who is the 4th spirit in the 7fold spirit of God… we are IN Him.

Romans 16; the obedience of faith. . . this is what changes Nations. We walk by faith. Faith IS the substance, not desire.

Faith and Desire – An Exchange between Nancy Gilmore and Me – Part 5

PART 5

Ole Henrik: You know how it is: How we are assailed by doubt, the feeling of standstill, confusion (is this what I really want etc etc), the varying emotions, the overwhelming impossibilities, the waiting, the impatience, the pain……I am also reminded about the lie from Eden which even now daily confronts us: “Has God really said?” followed by a string of arguments why God can’t have said so. It can often be quite a challenge to doggedly push through that wall of lies and continue unwavering in faith trusting that God in fact has spoken. It is, however, definitely good training to be assailed from every direction.

Nancy: Your soul is very active… but that’s not you. . . you are spirit, and spirit is much deeper, or higher than soul. Soul is influenced by the world voices crashing up against your soul to assail you, to pull you down, to torment you. King David had that, and he told his soul to ‘shut-up!’   I’ve done the same over the years from time to time.  If you put your forefinger…one on each side of your temple… -that stuff that is playing between your two temples is like a tape recorder screeching going fast forward- and then on to continuous play, then rewinding and doing it again.  You have control over that! You can push the STOP button on that tape recorder any time you are sick and tired of that screaming noise, or tell that crap to shut-up like David did! And when you mean it, it will obey you. You’re in union with the One in authority.

The soul is vital for it is a go-between for the world to crash up against it and touch the Spirit of the living God; and for the Spirit-spirit union of Christ as you to flow out through the soul to the world! The soul can be like the turbulent sea turning and tossing in every direction by the voices of the world…. but the power is not in the waves of the sea, but in the depth of the sea where it is still and calm.  In actuality, you live in the depth of the sea with Christ; or riding the high place of the earth with Him.  Like I told you I sit in the balcony and watch the spotlight shinning on the different events in my life in the grand arena; you can do the same thing in viewing your life.  You can “separate yourself from all that noise” by taking your position in the throne room of God with Christ, standing with Him and seeing a far-off from all that stuff. Ask the Lord to take the scales off your eyes so that you can ‘see Him’ living as you, and you seated or standing with Him in the peace and power of the deep sea, or the throne room of God.

He will do that.

Ole Henrik: In part 3 you wrote: “I gave up trusting in myself back in those early years.” Do you trust yourself now when Christ as you is an established fact in you?

Nancy: You know what…it’s absolutely true, what you take, takes you. SO no, I never trust in my self. I trust in the Lord ONLY. . .- but then again He is my True Self!  So do I trust in my self?  Of course, I do. I’ve never thought much about it, though! He is the One I’m conscious of as me. . .and yet I just live and do what is within my means that I’d like to do. It’s a paradox. He is forever and always my means by which I do all things. I’ve more or less lost consciousness of my self; well, not really, here I am. Yet Christ occupies me with what He is doing. Except when I look in the mirror and see how much weight I gained, and then I always say to the Lord, I don’t like the way I look! I don’t think it’s good for me to carry all this weight, and sit at the computer all day, without getting any exercise; but there’s no sense of me asking you to help me lose all this weight, because I already know You’re not going to help me do anything. You’re going to take my place and do it for me, as me; and so far I still look fat! So I’m just going to be visualizing how thin and beautiful I really am; and I’m going to act like that too. Even on my deathbed, I’ll be thin and beautiful!

If I want to do something and am enabled to do it, I just do it, and count it as Christ living as me. If I want to do something and can’t do it, I just don’t do it and count it as Christ living as me. We are never self-acting-selves! NEVER!

I don’t become Christ. He is forever my ‘other half’… the Person I am joined too. He is the real Person living AS me. In fact He’s writing this to you right now. Or is it me? We only do what we see Him doing as us. And many times without much notice. We just find ourselves doing it even when we didn’t know previously we were going to be doing it. It’s a total spontaneous life of faith!

Being conscious of a Person who is your other half, puts the pressure on your other half.  I expect Christ to be living as me in every way! 24/7!

I will say He has done some risky things as me at times that I would have never done.  He doesn’t spare your reputation for a minute. But then, you don’t care, do you!  Well, you do, but you don’t! You are living in a suspended oneness with Christ. It’s an easy life! You just do the next thing. Or whatever you’re made to do. Whatsoever you desire. It is God who is at work in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure. He’s done some things as me, I would have never done. But then again, how can you help but do what you are made to do. It’s a totally relaxed life, and with the guarantee it is Christ living as you. He cannot lie! That’s our security-blanket, that comforts us. And he makes us “a cannot lie person, too”.

In the long run all you care about is others and the Lord doing His thing as you. I’m in control, because I’m always out of control. We are in the resurrection, and THAT HOLY Spirit of God in us knows more about our desire than we do!

There were times in the past when I thought I wanted a certain thing, and didn’t get it in the way I thought I would; and in later years I worship the Lord with all my heart for NOT letting things work out like I thought I wanted them too, earlier. You see the deepest desire in us is really Christ desiring our desires as us. He knows His own plan and He causes us to see our desire is exactly what we really wanted all along. This is what I mean by The Adventure of faith can be fun! It’s being loved in a Satisfied Life in a way that no other Person is able to produce.

Faith and Desire – An Exchange between Nancy Gilmore and Me – Part 4

Part 4

Ole Henrik: Thanks for sharing your amazing testimony with me! Your story is simply stunning! And you are right! I have almost frenetically been examining my desires and faith, but in the process I have also learned a lot about how these things work together and how they work out in our lives. You are also right about that I have seen separation and that has made me unsteady in all my ways lately. It is certainly true that I also have been a referee trying to judge between what is me and what is Christ when everything is Him. And this is such a mystery! There is a “me” part that walk in unbelief and who operate as a referee, but everything is Him. My analytic mind finds that hard to reconcile. I guess there is only one thing to do; go back to the basic and confess: Christ lives as me! Thanks for helping me putting my feet on firm ground again trusting myself in all things no matter how odd or unusual.

Nancy: I don’t want to be right, Ole Henrik. That’s the last thing I want to project. I only wish to encourage you, not discourage you. It’s out of our belly that flows rivers of living water, and that means travail. We travail in faith.

You are Christ in your form.

If you would hold up your hand and look at it as though it is a total you… there are two sides to your hand. Turn it anyway you want too…make a fist or lay it out flat…there are still two sides to your hand. Yet it is ONE hand. There is the top side, the foreground of your hand… let’s say that’s you. You’re on top and in the foreground. But the palm of your hand is your other-side. Let’s say the Palm, is Christ. Your hand is not your hand without the top and the Palm together as ONE hand. You can grab-hold of something with it… or let it go… but it is all ONE hand. Yet it has two sides. One side of your hand is different than the other. . .but it’s all one hand. When we say we are ONE with Christ we are meaning we are like our hand. We have a top and a bottom; the top isn’t the Palm, but it’s all one hand. One hand! No separation! We don’t call it a top, nor do we call it a palm. We call it a hand.

We could go further, and say the Hand is God, Father-Son-Holy Spirit. We could put the Hand in a glove, and say the glove is you or me. The glove has no life of its own without the Hand in it. It’s the Hand that makes the glove come alive.

Faith and Desire – An Exchange between Nancy Gilmore and Me – Part 3

PART 3

Ole Henrik: Thanks again Nancy for sharing from your well of wisdom and long life with Him. Again I am thoroughly blessed, not least by that Malachi revelation. Never heard anyone preach it like this before and it said YES and AMEN in my spirit. Thanks!

So, when you went from only trusting that God would speak to you through the Bible you also began trusting your desires as a way of God speaking to you? And you further saw that desire and faith is the same thing, right?

Another thing that hit me today is that I quite often during this faith adventure have said things like: “Of course, I might be wrong” after a powerful faith statement. But, Jesus never said something like that. And He never says that if we are really humble we will say things like that when we ask (desire) whatsoever from Him. That “Of course, I might be wrong” is nothing less than unbelief and false humility.

Ole Henrik: I sat in my chair half-awake thinking about desire. Then lightning struck! Since desire is the same as faith our desire proves our faith and is our faith. No effort in that! Our desire is the same as faith. In a sense desire is my faith and effortlessly sustains my faith. I don’t have to work up desire. It just is!

Jesus said in John 15: “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” The word ask also means desire. Why will it be done for you? Because your desire is your faith and faith is substance – the guarantee that something exist. In this sense desire calls into being things that are not. And since we abide in Him it is a desire that origins in Him. It is so important that we do not suppress our desires. Another cool thing is that we speak out our desires quite effortlessly without knowing we are speaking words of faith. Grace upon grace.

Nancy: You’ve heard the old saying there are two sides to every story? Well, here’s the other side of the story.

All the time I was living as I explained, by “limiting” God to only speaking to me through the scriptures. He was not limited, at all, in speaking always within me, and to me by all different means. But the point is He was the One doing the speaking and the revealing of Himself by all these methods which I will now attempt to share.  I think what I learned from limiting God to only speaking through the scriptures was His tricking me into learning to be a co-intercessor with Him. He was showing me his ways’. . . – but all the time, He was also speaking to me by revelation, and direct communication, and in a myriad of ways, as He does today. You must understand that I followed no man. Any fellowship I had with others who were in the “sharing” field was short lived as I became the one who did the sharing with others.

I learned from the beginning, I was unable to live a godly life… by whatever means… so from early-on I told The Lord; “Since You are God, it’s high time You start being God in me.” And believe it or not, I rested in that.

Now without writing a book to you with the progressive details I will skip around, and hit on different things, and then if you have any questions or need more explanation to be given, just ask me; because I think these are the things that always need to be hammered out.

I settled the DESIRE dilemma before I knew the Lord (as Jesus Christ, God in the flesh). I didn’t have any of the “teachings” that are given today where the focus is on YOU. I never read other people’s books to learn some gimmick to make me spiritual. When I did read someone else writings it was for fellowship with the Lord.

Now as I share these things think of yourself in a grand auditorium, sitting in the balcony and having the spotlight on different events in my life played out in the theater’s grand seating area, and not on the stage.

A bit of background:
When I was 6 years old, I was alone with my Great-grandfather in the kitchen right here in this house where I live now. He was sitting in the captain’s chair and I was standing beside him, visiting with him.. and holding his hand….- and he died! And I couldn’t stop him from dying! And believe it, or not… I learned my limitation then and there. From that time on there was only one underlying real desire I had, and that was not to be separated from the people I loved.

So by the time I was married and pregnant with Barry, I was after God to find me! I mean, I already knew being married was not the union I was looking for. . . and I knew I couldn’t keep anyone from dying.  I knew there was THE LORD, but I didn’t know Him. SO when I was 19 years old and facing having a family that I would be responsible for. . .I told the Lord: “If I knew where You were, I’d come looking for You. If I thought you were under the bed, I’d get under the bed to find you;  but since I don’t know where You ARE… You’ll have to find me. Then I added: I can stand anything in this life, as long as I know “beyond a shadow of a doubt” I will spend ETERNITY with the people I love. That was between 1954 (when I got married), and 1955 (before Barry was born in July).

I didn’t go to church, I didn’t know anyone who believed like I did, and I never watched religious programs on TV.  But before Barry was born I accidentally watched Billy Graham on TV. . . and he said if you want to go to heaven you have to have Jesus in your  heart. I didn’t hear anything about sin or anything else. I just knew I wanted to go to heaven and that I needed to invite Jesus to come and live in me. I invited the Lord in, then and there,  and everything changed; I began praising The Lord for everything.  Billy said read your bible and I started in Genesis and read until I got to the “begat” . – then I couldn’t pronounce the names and I quit reading my bible after the first few chapters for nearly 5 or 6 years; But I continue to have this fellowship with the Lord in Praising Him.

REMEMBER I’LL BE JUMPING THROUGH SOME YEARS HERE TO MAKE MY POINT AT THE END.

After Kelly was born we bought an old house to fix up and time was swallowed up by work. God “seemed” to have left me… WELL NOT REALLY BUT I COULDN’T GET THE SATISFACTION I HAD BEFORE WE MOVED.

I couldn’t find another human being who knew the Lord, like I did.

I nearly died giving birth to Kelly, and when I got pregnant with Holly, I didn’t want to be pregnant!!! But the night she was conceived, I heard the Lord say to me: “This is a love-gift!” That’s the first time I truly knew I heard the Lord VOICE speaking to me! That was early in 1961. I was so stressed being pregnant I couldn’t think.  I didn’t want to die and leave my children. I couldn’t remember if I’d prayed or not; I’d write my prayer down so I’d know I prayed THEM; and when I was about 7 or 8 months pregnant I had a dream that I had a baby girl, and she had red-curly hair, and I didn’t have any pain delivering her. December 3, 1961 that’s exactly the way it happened.

While I was pregnant I was asked to join a bowling team with the girls in my new neighborhood. Long story short, the only gal that wasn’t from my neighborhood that I didn’t know until the first night of bowling, became my first friend who desired to fellowship concerning the Lord. We stayed up all night long on my front steps and talked about The Lord. She said she knew someone that used to teach the bible and would I be interested in going if she could find out if he was still doing that. The next night we were at his bible class. . . AND I couldn’t get enough of the bible from then on. He explained to me what the Bible was and how it was divided up, and who was who, and how to pronounce those difficult names.  I loved him with all my heart but I soon found he was a LAW and Grace man, and he didn’t think I was saved, because I smoked and loved to dance. But I read my bible and fellowshipped with the Lord constantly.

I started having bible classes in my home and began teaching also. By 1965 Kelly was 5 years old and he and Jake (my husband) were in a car accident! Kelly went through the windshield and of course we didn’t know if he would live or die. That night at the hospital all night long whenever Kelly would regain a bit of consciousness and scream-out, I would tell the Lord to put him back to sleep, and everything I said to the Lord, came to pass. I had a bible with me and I was reading in 2nd Corinthians chapter 1. . . and the Lord was speaking to me confirming to me that I was sharing in his sufferings, and that He would be my Comforter. The next day Kelly regain consciousness and didn’t remember any of the pain he had experienced. He had 5 different doctors and one of them was an oral surgeon. Kelly had a broken jaw! AND they were going to take him to surgery the next day and wire his mouth together.  As the Lord would have it; the year before, I had been with one of my friends at the hospital whose son had been in a fight and had his jaw broken. His jaw was wired together; and a few weeks later his appendix busted and he had to go to emergence surgery one night. When he came back from surgery he was vomiting but couldn’t get his mouth open, and was strangling on his vomit.  I saw what that was like! So when I heard Kelly was to have his jaw wired together I couldn’t wait to get alone with the Lord to beg Him to intercede on behalf of Kelly. HEAL him or DO SOMETHING! I couldn’t stand it.

So later that Monday night, (I had not left the hospital nor Kelly since we arrived after the car accident, Sunday afternoon), but that night I wanted to go to the Chapel to have it out with the Lord. As I began to walk into the Chapel I began to profusely PRAISE the Lord. My mind didn’t understand what my heart and mouth was doing. Here I had gone to beg the Lord to intercede on Kelly’s behalf and here I was rejoicing in Praise! Next: There was the Lord speaking to me out of a Great Light, saying: “Nancy, Nancy don’t you know that I love you, and that I love Kelly, and even if Kelly dies, he will be with me!”   That was January 11, 1965.

Well, the next 10 years was a high alone road with Christ as my life. I was an authoritative bible teacher, having 2 and 3 bible classes a week, and of course I was the one learning as the Lord continued speaking to me and commissioning me as his co-intercessor in what He had in mind.

Someone put a small booklet in my possession in 1967 called “Touching The Invisible” . . . I went to the river alone and read it, didn’t understand one word it was saying, but I was rapture in the Spirit the entire time I was reading it.  I hadn’t bothered to look to see who wrote the book, but when I finished reading it, I said to the Lord; “I don’t know one thing I just read, but I know one thing, I want to know what this man knows. I don’t know that I ever read it again, but by 1975 the Lord had manifest an inner-Christ-consciousness in me and reveal spirit-Spirit-union. I saw myself as if in a cave (a tomb), and the Lord called me out of that cave to be joined to Himself. It WAS A HOLY UNION! So Holy my outer soul and body wanted to separate from the Holy Christ in union with this Nancy-spirit.

Now the bible classes were throwing me OUT! I was a heretic in their view. One girl who told me she believed what I shared, but she no longer wanted to be seen with me. But within a short time she called me, told me she’d like me to come to lunch; she told me she had ask the Lord to give her a 2nd conformation that what I was sharing about our union with Christ was so. She handed me a book called “Who Am I” and said, The Lord had awakened her in the night and caused her to watch the Pat Robertson TV show and there was this man on his show, named Norman Grubb, and he talked just like me… (haha!)… but at least that’s the way she heard it. She gave me the book, told me Norman was going to be in Chicago, IL and that she thought I should go meet him. The rest is history!

SO…getting back to your questions: “So, when you went from only trusting that God would speak to you through the Bible you also began trusting your desires as a way of God speaking to you? And you further saw that desire and faith is the same thing, right?”

2nd question, first: And you further saw that desire and faith is the same thing, right?” I don’t THINK, I did. But you may from where you are viewing your union with Christ from in the Spirit. I don’t separate myself from Christ. Nor do I separate Him from me. Faith and desire is the outworking of the Spirit’s union with me, and I rest in Him; not in the faith; not in the desire. I rest IN Christ. I’m not examining my desires, nor my faith as though I have them apart from Christ. We are ONE. Whatever He has, I have, but He didn’t give me what He has, He gave me Himself. Faith and desire is the outcome of our union. Before Christ as us, faith and desire was the outcome of the false I. The Vine’s SAP flows into and out of the BRANCH. It’s all Christ as us… and my identity as a person is with Christ; my identity as a FORM of Christ is, Nancy.

1st question:  ”So, when you went from only trusting that God would speak to you through the Bible you also began trusting your desires as a way of God speaking to you? I gave up trusting in myself back in those early years. Once, I thought I needed to be a better mother, a better wife, a better person all the way around; more kind, more sensitive, more of everything. I named off a list of what I thought would please the Lord and certainly make me look more godly in everyone’s sight.  When I finished my lists of desires and ask the Lord for them; He said to me: “If I gave you those things you wouldn’t want ME. I never asked again! I figured I had Him, and He was all I needed… all I am.

Personally, I think you ask yourself these questions, because you see your self separated from Christ. You’re NOT separated from Him, but you SEE separation. If you, by inner-recognition, “SAY” … Christ lives AS me, (period!). You won’t have all this business trying to ‘figure’ things out. When I say it’s Christ AS me. . .there’s nothing left to figure out. You are either going to say, I am Christ in my form, or you’re going to have this wrestling match each time you “try” to figure it out. I WILL say this: The final form of sin we are all FORCED to see is our ‘self’ as a referee between God, the flesh and the devil (as to who’s who). There is no such person as a referee/a middle man/ a go-between “as you”. That’s Satan as you, and the FINAL FORM OF SIN WE ARE ALL FORCED TO SEE.

I probably haven’t even touched on your real question, but this is the way The Lord has driven me to share this time. You’re free to dismiss it all and start over with your question for me.